It's Monday and it's raining. Normally I love the rain but today it means I'm stuck inside with four kids (youngest, Noelle, has a friend over). We'll see who goes crazy first.

I'm content to let everyone entertain themselves until I have to run interference and break out the board games I bought for this very purpose. I sense Sorry and Life in my future.

I decided since it's brought me so much joy that I'd upload the eight episodes of JONAS that are sitting on my harddrive in case there's anyone who wants to give it a shot. I'm pretty sure that anyone who's interested already has them, but I had the space and bandwidth.

( JONAS episodes 101-108 )

So I posted about this the other day with no luck, thought I'd ask again just in case.

Does anyone have a copy of Panic's Live in Denver they'd be willing to upload for me? I'd be more than happy to do something for you in return.

Please and thank you.

Okay. Yay Joe and Nick and everything, but it's a little tedious, to be honest, when your favorite is the one NO ONE LIKES. WHY WORLD, WHY???

So, because, ( have a picspam )

I should go find some dinner.

Instead I did a ( meme )

Well that was fun.

JESUS CHRIST

I don't understand, I haven't even BEEN in SPN fandom for TWO YEARS, I just happened to write a big bang this year and last year. I have maybe 3 people on my flist active in SPN. There's no possible way I pissed someone off that badly.

I don't care if you don't like something I've written, I actually respect people who leave me honest comments about my writing, it's the only way I'm ever going to get better. The comments about my bandom big bang have really meant a lot to me because they were honest and helpful and not maliciously intended.

I have less than zero respect for people who leave anonymous comments about how shitty my fic is. Grow a pair for fuck's sake.



I think it's funny, even though I'm a little peeved, that I've been in fandom life on LJ for eight years and I've never been involved in wank, I've kept my mouth shut and stayed in the back where I'm happiest and have been content to be unknown. Apparently all I had to do was write Jared/Chad for spn big bang. Huh.

I'm going to go watch the Jonas Brothers now because I'm feeling pissed off which feels irrational which just makes me more pissed off.

That didn't feel really good. But it looks AMAZING. Someday me and William are going to get married and have goofy looking babies. For now I will settle for him flirting with me, calling me Shug and telling me he loves me.



Getting closer \o/

Yay for getting off work an hour early \o/

I have an appointment at six with (love of my life) William for more work on my butterfly wings so I came home to veg for a bit. I'm all showered, I smell really yummy (thank you Bath & Body Works) and I don't feel quite so much like I spent eight hours picking up after three kids and listening to them whine at me.

My plans for the evening include tattooing, Jonas Brothers concert dvd which I may or may not own, writing kink bingo porn and eating sherbet. It's okay to be jealous.

Tomorrow I HAVE to clean. My kitchen is a mess, my living room is LITTERED with empty large McDonald's cups (can't go wrong for a dollar) and there are garbage bags by the front door waiting to be walked to the dumpsters. Oops.

But I also plan on seeing Transformers: RotF again, catching up on my sleep and watching Live Free or Die Hard. True story, I've watched that movie every night of this week.

Okay, smoothie and then tattoo time.

I have to say something, for my own peace of mind, after reading twitter and LJ.

I don't think cocaine is funny.

More than that, I think weed is a big deal and not harmless which seems to be the popular opinion around here.

I watched my sweet-natured twin brothers, who were born with a slew of problems including IQs of around 65 putting them both at borderline retardation go from hardworking, ambitious teenagers to thieves, coke addicts and the kind of boys who steal from their mother. And it started with pot, until I couldn't walk into my room, down the hall from my brother's and not smell it. Now it's to the point that the smell makes me physically sick.

It's not funny to me, it's not something I laugh off, I don't have a sense of humor about drugs of any kind (including painkillers) or even alcohol. If you need to know why, ask me to tell you about the last three years of my mother's life.

I'm really relieved in ways I cannot tell you that the picture of Ryan came out after the Panic announcement when I was already a little disillusioned with him. Otherwise, it would have broken my heart. I don't think it's a secret that Panic has been my whole life for the last two years, so don't bother making fun of me or telling me how over-invested I am. They kept me from killing myself after my mom. I already know this.

I'm saying this now because I don't think I ever have here. I think it should go without saying that you are welcome to defriend me if you see fit.


I'm done now. Onto Brendon/Ryan rose-vest era watersports fic.

I stayed up too late. I'm exhausted, can't keep my eyes open, cranky and not in the mood to deal with three spoiled, whiny kids.

This is the sweetest thing I've ever seen and I cannot stop looking at it.


Going a long way towards improving my mood.

This is how I'll always think of these two:



It's good to go through my "panic at the what" tag. It reminds me of all the important things.

And this will always be true for me.

ETA: Link might be a little sob-inducing, sorry.

Oh JESUS CHRIST, DAMN IT SHIT FUCK.

I love the Jonas Brothers.

Gonna go shoot myself in the face, brb.

I can't even blame it on my world turning upside down yesterday. I spent the WEEKEND watching all of Jonas and reading fic.

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

This Kind of Love
Brendon/Jon
NC17
4,100+ words
Warning: crossdressing, underwear fetish
Note: in the same universe as Nothing Quite Like JUST PORN.
First entry for Kink Bingo. Prompt: rimming/felching.
My Bingo card



( This Kind of Love )

My Kink Bingo card and fic.



Rimming/Felching: This Kind of Love (Jon/Brendon, NC17)

On Sunday I decided I wanted to go to Wilmington sometime this week while I was on vacation. So I made a reservation at a Bed and Breakfast for Tuesday night.

I had fun doing A Day in My Life last week so I decided to do it again for my mini trip.



( I've discovered even 2+ hours in the car is too long for me these days )

Later I have plans to tell you all about how I drove to Wilmington (NC, not Delaware) yesterday and spent the afternoon walking along the riverwalk and I went to the beach and then spent the night in the most adorable bed and breakfast.

But now I need to talk about how I'm really bummed about my bandom big bang.

My posting date was for Sunday but I still had a lot of writing/editing to do and I just wasn't happy with how things stood with it and I didn't want to post something I wasn't in love with so I just let it go and figured I'd quietly drop out and thought the mods wouldn't notice or care. I didn't plan on the mods being awesome and totally on top of things (though I should have expected it) and yesterday I got an email saying I had twelve hours to please post it. I worked myself into such a state of guilt over the amazing extras I got and how all the work they did wouldn't get to be seen that I secluded myself in my room at the inn and made myself sit there and edit until I had something reasonably readable.

As a result, I cut close to 12,000 words of bits and pieces that had to be fleshed out, things like Spencer cluing Jon into the fact that Brendon's in love with him, Jon's struggle with Tom, lots of cute/hot moments that I had to cut.

So it ends very abruptly. The scene it ends on is actually the halfway point of the story I originally planned to write.

It's causing me a lot of internal grief because I love every character, every scene in this story, it's all I've thought about for the last 3 months, but I absolutely HATE where I left it.

I mean, this is what happened after I posted it last night: I refreshed my inbox for twenty minutes, gave up and went to bed and then slept fitfully while dreaming no one commented on my story.

I tried to distract myself once I got back into Durham by going to see Transformers again, and it kind of worked except I kept obsessing about apologizing to the commenters who thought I ended it abruptly.

Clearly, I need to shut up and forget about it. What's done is done.

But I've a little bit of perfectionism in me, not to mention my tendency to OBSESS OVER EVERYTHING and I can't shut my brain off.

The Ones You Call Home
Jon/Spencer (Ryan/Brendon)
Bandom
AU
R
28,000+
Summary: High school AU
Warning: Spencer is sixteen in this and becomes involved in a relationship with Jon, who is eighteen. Please take this into consideration.
Notes: Written for bandombigbang Thank you so much to the mods not only for their tireless efforts in organizing the giant that is BBB but also for their infinite patience with me.
I failed so hard at this. My artist and fanmixers had a HUGE disadvantage because what they had to work with was a fragmented, shitty piece of a story and yet they gave me beautiful pieces and mixes. Thank you so much.
Thank you endlessly to bubbleforest for being my cheerleader.
Please feel free to email me if you have criticism or notice things that should be tweaked/fixed.

part one | part two | part three

Mixes:
My Heart Stops Every Time by unrequited_rain
Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You: a high school romance mixtape by kuperkeikka
It's You I Want to Kiss by queen_geek

Art:
"Jon," Spencer whispered, "what are you doing?" by impromptu_love

I didn't expect to receive any art, since I was wayyy late to the party in turning my story in.

I was surprised, however, by this GORGEOUS piece from impromptu_love


(click for bigger)

Look at how PERFECT this is. It illustrates THE turning point in the story, but more than that it's my favorite scene. Look at Spencer's beautiful FACE, and Jon's stubble, and they're wearing earbuds! Oh my goodness, I love it so much. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to impromptu_love

It's You I Want to Kiss by queen_geek

Tracklisting

01. Crush - Gavin DeGraw
02. Be Gentle With Me - The Boy Least Likely To
03. A Little More - The Audreys
04. Harold T. Wilkins or How To Wait For A Very Long Time - Fanfarlo
05. Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung
06. That Teenaged Feeling - Neko Case
07. Kissing Old Friends - 504 Plan
08. Just The Way I'm Feeling - Feeder
09. You Give Me Something - James Morrison
10. Someone Else's Arms - Mae
11. Extra Ordinary - Better Than Ezra
12. Here In Your Arms - Hellogoodbye
13. Good Morning Midnight - Fanfarlo
14. Ordinary Day - Vanessa Carlton


I don't know how I got so lucky with all the amazing gifts I got. I love the feel of this mix, how it follows the ebb and flow of the story and has a song for each major moment. It's gorgeous. Thank you so much to queen_geek, please go give her praise.

nothing's gonna change my love for you: a high school romance mixtape by kuperkeikka

Tracklisting

01. peter bjorn and john: young folks
02. metro station: seventeen forever
03. owl city: the saltwater room
04. teddybears sthlm: yours to keep
05. vanessa carlton: a thousand miles
06. vampire weekend: everywhere (fleetwood mac cover)
07. sugababes: i bet you look good on the dancefloor
08. mgmt: electric feel (justice remix)
09. zero 7: you're my flame
10. cansei de ser sexy: let's make love and listen to death from above
11. bloc party: this modern love
12. sébastien tellier: la ritournelle
13. the jesus and mary chain: feeling lucky


I wasn't familiar with most of these artists so it was such a gift to discover new music, especially music that fits so well with the story. Thank you so much to kuperkeikka, please go tell her what a wonderful mix this is.

My Heart Stops Every Time by unrequited_rain






Tracklisting

My Heart Stops Every Time

01) Night Drive- Jimmy Eat World
02) Atoms (live)- Cashes Rivers
03) We're Going to Be Friends- The White Stripes
04) Totally Fucked- Spring Awakening
05) Tim, I Wish You Were Born A Girl- of Montreal
06) Fell In Love With A Boy- Joss Stone
07) Kissing Old Friends- 504 Plan
08) First Date- Blink-182
09) Ache For You- Ben Lee
10) Heartbeats- Jose Gonzales
11) Stuck in the Middle With You- Steve Miller Band
12) I'm Yours (from the Casa Nova sessions)- Jason Mraz

Bonus Tracks
13) It's Tough to Have a Crush- OK Go
14) I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend- The Ramones


Thank you so much to unrequited_rain for this AMAZING mix and GORGEOUS art. I listened to this mix on repeat while editing the final part of the story and the mood of the mix worked PERFECTLY. Please go tell her how good this is.